In this episode, Jackie talks about a model of change that breaks down the process of change into four steps. Which can be helpful when undertaking an overwhelming task like change. In addition to understanding there are models for change, it can also be helpful to know there are also expected obstacles universal to those who undertake such a task. Knowing what these obstacles are can help us recognize them when they appear and be intentional when navigating the obstacle.
These are two terms that are often used in therapy and that are often used by the general public. But what do they actually mean? What is the difference between being trauma-informed and doing trauma work? In this episode, we talk about the difference and the importance of being trauma-informed, both as the client and the clinician, before moving into doing trauma work.
In this episode, Jackie talks about a local controversy that arose in SLC related to a description of a college course taught at a liberal arts college located in SLC. Situations such as this can escalate emotions and quickly spread fear and disinformation. Or it can cause us to pause, take a step back, listen, ask questions, and use critical thinking skills to sort through the emotional information that is coming our way.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the first six of twelve of the dimensions of courtship as outlined by Dr. Patrick Carnes. We do not spend enough time talking about how healthy relationships come about. Is it by chance? Is it luck? Do some people know a secret that so many others do not know? Healthy relationships don't happen by chance or by luck. And if your history of relationships doesn't trend in the right direction, there are things we can change and practice in order to be a part of healthy relationships that grow and evolve over time.
In this episode, Jackie wraps up discussing the book The Tao of Fully Feeling. This is where the dots are connected and we begin to see the path forward for ourselves. A path that involves forgiving ourselves for our part in carrying the dysfunction forward. We can now begin to see how our relationships can be different. How we can make amends, we can take responsibility for our actions, without taking more responsibility than is ours, and how we can take this forward into our lives and our relationships.
In this episode, Jackie continues to work through the book The Tao of Fully Feeling. The author has reminded us throughout the book of our society's need to rush forgiveness as a bypass for feeling and operating in reality. In this episode, we look at extenuating circumstances that our parents may have been dealing with. We aren't exploring these circumstances as a way of "letting them off the hook" because that would mean the shame resides with us. It is a way of taking a step back from what we experienced and getting a larger view of what life was like for our parents. This can actually help reduce shame as it begins to dawn on us that this was never about us. It wasn't about us being too much, or not enough or us just being a child.
In this continuing discussion about the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker, we talk about blame as part of the grieving process. And how blame is not the stigmatized emotion that we are taught to banish and opt for self-responsibility. Instead, it is an organic, natural part of ourselves that leads to self-protection, healthy boundaries, and ultimately true forgiveness to our parents for the abuse and neglect from our childhood.
There are four key ways that children protect themselves from being overwhelmed by the emotional pain of prolonged abuse and neglect. We call these defense mechanisms, and they typically have an expiration date. They can be effective in protecting children through traumatic childhoods, but at some time they will stop working. At this point, we can develop new, advanced defense mechanisms or we can face the trauma and explore how it is impacting our adult lives.
In this episode, Jackie talks about chapter 5 in The Tao of Fully Feeling. Often when we think of grieving, we think of being sad, maybe crying. Or we think of the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. In this chapter, author Pete Walker expands on essentials to grieving as we explore childhood trauma.